I’m going to disagree with something friend Jimbo posted last week: (bolding of text added by me for emphasis)
What I mean by that is that every time I see some online profile that says, “no fems, masc only, no affected behavior, non-scene, no drama,” in some guy’s online profile I just want to flame out and sing show tunes and just be totally flamey and gay and make drama in their presence just to piss them off. Or maybe I should just put on my profile: “Bored With: anti-scene, stoic, affected masculine, issue-ridden, bad tops in truck driver drag.”
I often come across a strong streak in the gay community that inexorably links homosexuality with western gay culture and suggest that anyone who is gay, but rejects gay culture has “issues” or some degree of self-loathing.
I find this disturbingly akin to the phenomena where blacks who don’t act “black enough” are often accused of being ashamed of their race, or the rhetoric of religious conservative groups who will tell you what a “real man” should act like and how any man who falls outside these guideline probably has “gender disorder” and self-esteem issues.
All of this comes down largely to how you define being gay, black, or even being a man. For myself being gay means this: being primarily sexually attracted to members of you own gender.
That’s it — I don’t include anything else. I know plenty of feminine men and mannish women who are completely heterosexual. I don’t consider them gay, nor do I suspect that they are ashamed of their heterosexuality. I can completely understand someone who, regardless of what they like in the sack, isn’t comfortable around extremes of masculine or feminine behavior. I myself generally find people who are too feminine, or too masculine kind of annoying and one-dimensional. This doesn’t mean I hate or even dislike them, just that I’d rather not socialize with them.
No, I don’t buy into any of this mandatory cultural linkage and truly believe:
- You can dislike large parts of black culture (gangster rap, etc.) without hating black people.
- You can dislike sports, guns, and John Wayne movies and still be a “real man”.
- And you can dislike androgynous behavior and gay culture while still being a perfectly adapted, well-adjusted homosexual.